Is Civility Dead---or Just on Life Support?

“Every action done in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those that are present.” ~ George Washington

“Respecting others’ opinions doesn’t mean being untrue to our own.” ~ P.M. Forni

Growing up, my mom often used Disney movies, and anything else handy, to try to get her point across to me.  Like many kids, I was told that words could hurt as much as a punch and couldn't be taken back once they were said.  One of her favorite teaching moments on civility came from Bambi.  Remember this one?

Thumper: He doesn't walk very good, does he? 
Mrs. Rabbit: Thumper! 
Thumper: Yes, mama? 
Mrs. Rabbit: What did your father tell you this morning? 
Thumper: If you can't say something nice... don't say nothing at all. 


Today's politicians- in fact, any person engaging in political discourse- might do well to listen to Mrs. Rabbit.  We have reached such a level of hyper-partisanship where hate-filled vitriol- spewed in front of a camera- is the order of the day.  Unfortunately, very little gets done, and the crevasse between the parties fills with lies, insults and slights and grows wider each day.  All this at a time when Democrats, Independents and Republicans need to be closely working on the many problems that face our nation.  


What to do?  Perhaps a return to civility- or maybe even a slight move in that direction- is a good place to start. 

I read a great story by Dana Bash on Senator Barbara Mikulski of Maryland last night.  She has consistently reached out to any woman elected to the Senate and made a point of welcoming her, regardless of party affiliation.  The female senators all try to meet for dinner to get to know each other as people, rather than as opposing partisans, and have built important bridges that have withstood many ideological differences and led to important legislation. It appears they have adopted a policy of mutual respect , rather than vilifying each other because of differing positions. How refreshing! 


Yet there appears to be very little of this happening in the circus that the primaries have become. To watch the presidential candidates today is akin to watching little kids in a sandbox. Snarky soundbites and outright lies have replaced reasoned debate, and are turning off voters in droves. Instead of incessantly attacking their fellow candidates, why not take these same opportunities to highlight their positions and speak of their unique qualifications?  With Super PACS now funding a record level of negative ads, the candidates are becoming even more shrill ---making America dive for the mute button.


So I recommend we listen to Thumper's mom.  If you can't say something nice, just don't say anything at all- or better yet, talk about your own innovative ideas to get America working again.  If the candidates actually followed this suggestion, imagine how much dead air time there would be when the political ads went totally........and blessedly, silent.

Wordsmithing the "War on Women"

It's hard to escape the latest political catch phrase "war on women". From channel to channel, tweet to tweet, discussion of the rash of proposed legislation to limit female reproductive rights heading through various statehouses is hard to miss.  Just this week, Arizona upped the ante with another attempt to hand employers- religiously affiliated or tiny storefronts- with a "moral objection" excuse to cut coverage for contraception and anything else that offends them.  From Rush Limbaugh's misogynist rantings to the Virginia attempt to require women seeking an abortion to have transvaginal ultrasounds, it would be hard for women not to feel under fire.  "Personhood" bills that put mothers' lives secondary, repeated attempts to water down sex education until it's worthless, and endless obstacles to abortion so that "confused" women can be "well informed" would lead most women to feel that we have become the enemy---or perhaps time travelled back 50 years.  If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck---isn't it a duck?

The puzzling question is why now?  Why attack women's reproductive rights, settled almost 50 years ago, when the nation is facing a myriad of difficult problems that demands the attention of both women and men to solve?  Why attack a breakthrough for women- contraception finally universally covered under the Affordable Care Act-when millions of families- that's men and women- will benefit economically from this in a down economy? Why not remember that contraception benefits both sexes in preventing unwanted pregnancy and not just the woman? (Last time I checked, it took two to tango.) And why would politicians greenlight an agenda sure to alienate the very group they need to court for the 2012 elections? Is it insanity, religious zealotry, or just plain insecurity?

Perhaps the answer lies in the changing demographics of America.  The past fifty years have seen huge advances for women.  Dedicated women are more likely than men to earn a college degree and continue to increase that gap, they are earning more than ever before (though still not paid equally), and breaking glass ceilings-in male-dominated areas- every day.  Throughout this economic downturn, women have fared better in the job market, and are successfully starting more small businesses that will create jobs in the future.  In the 2008 election, women cast 53% of the votes, sending President Obama--another trailblazer-into the White House. Yet the percentage of white men, once the ultimate power brokers of our society, keeps aging and shrinking. The Pew Research Center estimates that the Hispanic population of 42 million (2005) will grow to 128 million in 2050, tripling in size.  This leaves whites---for the first time in our history-- projected to become a minority at 47% in 2050. Could it be that the historical powerbrokers feel more than a little threatened and just wish for things to go back to the way they once were?

Ultimately, if the wording "war on women" offends the GOP--- the party that appears to be backing most of the attempts to roll back our reproductive rights- perhaps we ought to offer them the clearer alternative of saying that they are simply attempting a "rollback of women's reproductive rights". Not sure that would help rally the female voters they need in the 2012 election, but they are welcome to try it.

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